The Road to Freedom

When my husband took on a second wife, my first reaction "opportunity for me to stay longer in Yemen, the place I truly want to be", honestly that was my reaction in my heart, while my step daughter was crying in disappointment of her father and my son was in distraught that the father he loves has taken on a new wife.  I guess it is obvious that I do not have deep feelings for my husband, and in fact glad that he has taken on another wife. Early 2009, I had offered him to take on another wife and I only asked that she was a good muslim.  Obviously his choice of second wife is exactly as what he deserve, or maybe they deserve each other.


The reason that it has not bothered me as much as it would have bothered the average normal wife, is because of  the life that I have gone through with this man and also the path that I have chosen.  I see it as more as a blessing for me.   And true enough, in time it proved to be a blessing for me, a platform that would finally allow me to break free from this man.that had taken everything out of me.  I am not at all against polygyny, as I understand that it is the hukm of Allah swt and the right of a man with clear evident of its permissibility.  However, only when it is practiced in accordance to the sunnah will it prove to be of any value to everyone involved.  It is no big secret to my family and close friends that my husband and I are on two different paths and that we could never see eye to eye or be happy, but I had spent the last 12 years of my life trying to make this marriage work.  Alhamdulillah, everything just brought me closer to my CREATOR.


My husband got married January 28, 2010. He did not bother to tell us, and we found out from my step daughter in Malaysia.  He later called to see if we knew, and not telling us.  Two weeks later, he accused me of coming to Yemen in 2006 because I had an affair with a Yemeni, truth is, I ran away from him because I promised myself that if ever I was beaten up again, I would run away.  Anyway, I told him that I will not defend myself for something I am not guilty of.  He was so paranoid that he finally called to say he had a right to know, and I told him that if he had bothered to read the letter, he would have found out that it was from a woman called Umm Abdul Rahman.  He never really bothered to call us other than that, or to ask how we are living, or to ask the well being of his children.  Since January till June the number of times he called was probably 3 (one to find out if I knew he was married, two to accuse me of having an affair in 2006 and the last was to wish Asad happy birthday).


I had finally asked him for a divorce on March 31, 2010 but he had refused.  I had then repeatedly kept on text messaging him but with no success. He told me that I had always got things my way and this time I had to sacrifice for my children, he does not want the children to grow up in a broken home.  I do not know what kind of logic is going on in his head, as the children are already growing up in a broken home, only that it is not official. Seeing no way out, I only had HIM swt to fall back on.  Before I left for Yemen, I had actually gone to the courts in Malaysia, exhausted the courts there, but there was no way to obtain a divorce in Malaysia, as the certficate that I have was discovered to be forged and upon investigating through Jabatan Agama Wilayah Persekutuan, the certificate from Thailand (where I got married) was also suspected to be syndicated.  Having no other alternative, I ran away to Yemen.  Again, I am finding myself in a position with no solution, but subhanallah, Allah swt, if HE wants a way out for you, HE will force you into finding the way out.  As I was drowning in wanting to break free, Allah swt sends HIS soldier on my path, making me think offering me motivation to proceed on what is rightful. I cannot be sitting and continually making du'a without making much effort.  Islam does not intend for anyone to live in oppression.  


Seeing new light and hope, I finally decided to meet with Qadhi Amraani, THE well known fiqh sheikh in Yemen, who lives behind my house.  Before meeting with Qadhi Amrani, my Yemeni brother, Dr Najib, a professor in Arabic at the University of Taiz, prepared a short letter presenting my case.  We went together to the masjid.  Subhanallah, as we entered, a man walked towards us.  He was one Qadhi's right hand man, and I am sure it is not a coincidence that Allah sends a man that could speak English to come and meet with us.  Dr Najib explained my situation and this man, Muhammad Tayri, later asked me questions in English in order to undertand my situation better.  He told us that Qadhi will not be there till Asr, but he will explain situation to Qadhi.  We came back at Maghrib and got a letter from Qadhi Amraani.  Qadhi had written a letter to the judge of the syariah court to recommend them to help me cancel my aqd.  Subhanallah, I thought no courts in the world was going to be able to help me, but this little opening here is giving some ray of light that my situaion is not hopeless.  That eventhough my husband did not want to divorce me, that Allah's hukm is fair, that a woman can free herself from her husband.  Muhammad Tayri, asked us to come back three days later, to find out who exactly I am suppose to meet at the syariah courts.  I came back on Sunday and Muhammad Tayri introduced us to a man named Ariff, who told me what I need prepared in order to go to court and who I am supposed to meet at the courts.


I went home thinking of how I am going to get my documents translated and who will go with me to the courts.  Although I have considered Yemen like my home, but its laws are foreign to me, its language I have not mastered totally in order to articulate well.  I was grocery shopping on Monday morning when Abdul Rahaman, another Yemeni brother, called.  He said, "I know what you are going through" ... I was like "excuse me, did Dr Najib tell you what is going on in my life?"... he said "No and how many times have I told you before that if you need help, come to me.  I maybe young but my family have connections.  The man that you met at the masjid last night is our family friend. He told me.  I want to help you. I will call my lawyer and we will sit down and discuss"  ... what first came to my mind was and I voiced it out .."well, what will the lawyer cost me?"   He said, "I want to help you and it will not cost you anything"  .. I could not help but started crying in the supermarket.  Here I was, needing help, and HE sends HIS soldiers again.  My Yemeni brothers keep telling me, " you are in Yemen and you are our sister, we will protect you"  and always motivating me and assuring me that when you are on the path of HAQ, Allah swt is with you and what greater power you have with you when Allah swt is with you.


It made me realize that the Yemeni's are truly the Ansars.  The Aus and Khazraj, were the Ansars. They were from the tribe of Qahtan, and the tribe of Qahtan are from Yemen.  Here I am in a land which have embraced me and showed me what helping a muhajireen is like.   I am in awe with the nusrah (help) that Allah swt has sent to give me confident and to help me with my situation, to help me in making what is wrong right.  When you are upholding the truth, HE will always opens paths to make it easy for you.  Upholding what is HAQ requires patience, resilience and endurance.


I have been going in and out of court now for 8 months now.  It took me two months to settle my documentations and have it sent over to the Yemen Consulate in Malaysia.  Another four months before they finally passed it on to my almost X, but not after having friends in Malaysia help pursue the matter.   A month and a half before they finally officially came back with a reply to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs here with almost X's response.  And finally a bribe to get the photocopy of the letter in order for me to proceed to the court.  In between there was much of going to and fro to the courts without much progress.


It is in the Yemen's constitution that they have to appoint a lawyer to represent almost X, even though he has no interest to come to court.  So today, January 15, after 8 months of behaving myself in court, I could not hold myself back anymore.  The lawyer, I suppose was just doing his job and said that he denied all my accusations and wanted me to bring forth evidences.  I took out all my evidences and told the court that I had already provided them and they are from the police and government hospital in Malaysia.  I also told court that evidence does not make any difference anymore as if he has not provided for nafakah I am entitled to seek for divorce,   He has also agreed to give me the divorce even though it is with conditions which are "bathil".

The court asked what I want from him.. I told the court I want nothing and I am not asking for nafakah.  If he has not provided for me for the last 12 years, and he has not taken care of his 8 children scattered all over the world from 5 different wives, why should I waste my time asking for anything.  All I am asking for is to be free from this man and my children.

Finally i seeked permission to ask the court a question and permission was granted.. I asked the court if the lawyer asking for evidences has bothered to even read my file??? and that made everyone in the court laughed. The lawyer was not too pleased.  So when court session was over he called Abdul Rahman (my Yemeni son who adopted me as his mom) and dont know what he said. I could not care less..

Today was the first day in court that I lost my composure and said everything that I want to say in court. But the Qadhiah was really nice and she helped me out with questions that would help my case.  I finally stood up and defended my rights in the only way I knew ... HONESTLY and if anyone of you know me well, passionately too in what I believe is right.  

My road to freedom did not start 8 months ago, but it started when I came to Yemen, only I was still trying to give this marriage (if you can call it) a chance as I had children with him.  Although my last 12 years was a painful experience, I cannot say that it was bad, because as a mukmin, we believe that ALL is from Allah swt.  The good is obviously from HIM, but the bad could not have happened without HIM willed it for you, but for good reasons.   What is important is how we react to the situation.  The last twelve years has really brought me closer to my CREATOR, learnt more about HIM and my faith, made me a better, practising and a committed Muslim, gave me not one but three wonderful boys ... so how can all that be bad?   The dunia is a place of tests and I am glad that HE loves me enough to put me through these test .. as we believe, it is better that we are purified in this dunia then later in akhrat.  So the last 12 years has really been a great blessing for me.

Judgement on my case is not till another two weeks. I have done everything that I needed to do and I suppose I will have to trust that HE is all knowing and all merciful.  I have actually entrusted my affairs to HIM (which is another topic for my blog)  and I really cannot explain it, but HE has truly taken care of me and my children here in Yemen - we are here without family, without anything but only our effort, our hopes, our prayers, and tawakkal to HIM.  It has truly been an amazing experience to live under the shade of Allah swt. (I do hope to be able to blog this, but I simply cannot find the right words to share my experience)