Little Mercies

Blessing come in many forms and sometimes it may be minor to other people but to you it is of great significance.  This Ramadhan, I felt that HE swt blessed me with so many things. Alhamdulillah.

Ramadhan as we know is a month of ibadah and striving in amal while we fast purely for HIS sake.  So obviously there should be less emphasis on food and food preparation.  Although it is a much anticipated month by Muslims, sad to say I never looked forward to Ramadhan the past 11 years till this year.

In the past 11 years, when it came to Ramadhan, I cringe. Ramadhan was the most stressful month for me.  The man that I was supposedly married to was a chain smoker, so when he does not get his puff, any small insignificant thing becomes major and would result in him getting angry at me or the children for no reason.  We were daily forced to go to the Ramadhan food bazaars and if we did not want to, he would make a big fuss about it.  Food had to be prepared so that it goes well with each other and the table would be spread full of food.  If something was amiss or not rightly done, I would have to be ready for something to be thrown at me from the table and it comes along with hurtful words being blurted from his mouth. And with the full table spread, the food, most of the time will go to waste.  It was such a stressful period of time, and the only time I would look forward was the solitude that I would seek in the middle of the night.

However, this year is my first Ramadhan in 11 years that I can say that I am truly enjoying.(although the last 3 years was not as bad, as he was not with us most of the time except towards the end of Ramadhan).  I guess the reason is obvious - he is not in the equation!  My children learn that little food is more than enough.  I try to put in place the practise to breaking fast with dates and water and samosa.  Then we would make solat before eating our meal.   Our meal would not be more than two dishes.  The children have no complains and we always seem to just have enough and never go to waste.  The three boys would later go to solatul ishak and terawih.  When they come back, they will normally ask for a sandwich or a burger.

For a mother to see her boys fasting and diligently going for terawih nightly, it is very calming to the heart.  This is expected of a mother to tarbiyyah their children to start putting into place one of the pillars of  Islam, saum Ramadhan, at an early age.

For me, not having to go out to Ramadhan food bazaars, less food and boys diligently fasting was already a great blessing.   I was not prepared for other blessings, but I guess it is when you least expect it is when it becomes so sweet.

This year, Allif surprised me by wanting to go to iktikaf.  That in itself was another blessing.  But for him to finish reading the Qur'an within 4 days of iktikaf was yet another blessing, well at least for me it was because it is so hard for me to get him to read half a juzuk at home.  This is the blessing of being in the house of  Allah s.w.t. In iktikaf, they spend their time reading the Qur'an, memorizng hadeeth and putting in practice the daily adzkars (plural for dzikr) and of course attending all the obligatory and superegatory prayers in congregation.  I did not think he would last more than one night - with no PSP, no internet and no TV - but it is from the blessings of Allah swt that I think he was able to last till today.  I have every confident that Allif will sit through 10 days of iktikaf this year biiznillah.

Today, after solatul dzohr, Aiman came rushing back - he too wanted to go for iktikaf.  So i packed him some clothes, a cushion pillow and a sleeping bag, and off he went to the masjid with his bagpack and sleeping bag.

After solatul Asr, I got a call from Asad saying he too wanted to iktikaf. Five minutes later he appeared at the house asking for his clothes and sleeping bag and off he went to the masjid.

I really do not know if Aiman and Asad will be able to last the balance of Ramadhan in iktikaf.  But even if they lasted one night, and the age of 9 and 7, that is a great achievement already.

These are small children - imagine how you would feel receiving such requests and watching them go off without a second of rethinking their decision.  I was proud of them and they look really cute with their thoub (jubah) and skull cap and bag pack walking off.  I felt so grateful, its like realizing a dream.  I can't explain the joy but it brought tears to my eyes.  I have always wanted so much my children to have such desires in the practices of ibadah in Ramadhan.  It felt like all the sacrifices for them was all worth it although I am a long way from witnessing fruits of my labour, these are like the spouts.  I always thought if only I had a good husband as a role model for them, obviously the message here is its not necessary as long as you provide the right environment and encouragement for them.

I went to buy a can of tuna at the local biqalah (sundry shop), and another little mercy awaited me.  The biqalah owner was full of praises for the boys, not only their diligence but also their akhlaq.  I walked away from the shop again feeling like crying and infact did.  Maybe HE was trying to tell me that "hey ... you are doing the right things.  Life may seem hard but it will in the end all be worth it."

All I can say is Ya Rabb, I am truly grateful for this little mercies that YOU have blessed me with this Ramadhan.