Witnessing the Impossible made Possible

In February 2010, when she found out that her father has taken wife number 6, my step daughter has decided that it was time that she looked for someone to take care of her.  For 19 years she has gone though three step mothers and witnessed 5 failed marriages from her father.  She has been deprived of love, care and responsibility of a true parent and any form of love from anyone.  She is not a deeply religious person nor would I categorize her as pious, but she is someone that can discern between right and wrong and halal and haram, a blessing from Allah swt. 

Disappointed and losing hope of ever having a real family, she decided that it was time she started a family of her own.  So she told me to look for a husband for her.  Now in this day and age, you would hardly find any teenager asking a mother (a step mother in my case) for such a request.  It would seem really strange in the world we live in today to ask for your parent to look for a husband for you.  Such a request meant an arrange marriage, not a situation where you first get to know the guy, go out with him on a few dates (more than a few in most cases in todays scenario ..some taking years and sometimes never ending in a marriage). 

With that request, I talked to a couple of friends of mine to start the search for a husband for her.  Giving our criterias and requirements, my friends started their  search.  However, seems that there is really no one that could fit our criteria.  One of her criteria was she wanted the person to be of same nationality, so that limited the search.  Over the next few months, as life moved on, we forgot about this request even. 

Four months later, my friend called me up June 27^th 2010, she said. “ Faith, you remember, you said you were looking for a husband for Aisha (not her real name)”  and I said, “Yes, but we have forgotten about it since it has been a few months.” Then she said, “I want to tell you that on Friday night, I dreamt of Aisha and Amir (not his real name). And yesterday, Farida came to my house and said that Amir is in search of a wife.  Immediately I remembered my dream and said that this cannot be a coincidence, and called you up.”  Upon listening to my friend, Aisha asked if we could meet my friend, Farhana.  So that night we went over to Farhana’s house to find out more about Amir.  Aisha then asked me to arrange to meet with Amir.  So we decided that I meet with Amir on Wednesday. 

I met up with Amir at Farhana’s house on Wednesday.  It was a getting to know each other session cum interview and interrogation as much as possible on the make up of Amir and his background.  Well, I liked what I discovered on first impressions, I could see his sincerity and commitment towards the deen .  Both of them, having seen pictures of each other and leaning of each other’s background from close friends, agreed to meet each other.  So we arranged for them to meet at my house on Friday for tea.  Amir was escorted by Farhana and her husband while my friend Sheila came over to keep us company throughout this meeting.  In Islam, both the possible bride and groom are allowed to see each other and interview each other in the presence of their mahram.  It was such a nerve wrecking event for the both of them.  Aisha could not make herself come into the living room out of shyness and when she finally did, both of them just stared at each other speechless.  So the people that started interviewing for them was Fauziah’s husband, Azman and myself.  This is so that they at least know something about each other.  They had nothing to say to each other really, as both became tongue tied.  The only thing Aisha asked was that Amir stood up so she could see his height, and he responded with the same request so that they could see if their height was compatible. LOL.  Anyway , tea ended and we gave the possible bride and groom time to make up their minds to decide if they could be partners in life, which also involved making istikharah apart from getting parents consent. 

Both Aisha and Amir decided on the affirmative and that they wanted to make the step to live together as husband and wife.  With this decision, there were documentations that were required as we were foreigners in a foreign land and therefore needed letters from our Embassy to say that they have no objections for the two to get married.  But before that, both of them had to get documentations from Malaysia.  There was no problem with Amir, as he has a very supportive family who understood the deen well and so, it was a breeze for him to get the documentations that he needed.  Aisha on the other hand, could not get any of the documentations needed as her biological father did not consent to her getting married.  The usual secular school of thought: at 19 she was too young to get married and she certainly does not know what she is doing was the reason behind the objection, that she is still studying.  No consideration of the recommendation of the deen or the sunnah at all.

In reality (after obtaining fatwa from scholars here in Yemen regarding her situation), Aisha, did not need the permission of her biological father as that was all he was to her, not her father in syarie.  But Aisha seeked his permission, out of respect that he is after all her biological father and with or without love, he had provided her with protection and care even if they were just through maids and stepmothers.

Since we could not get any documentation from Malaysia for Aisha, we decided to seek for a solution from the Yemen courts.  Having met the Qadhi we were advised on how to apply for a hakim sharie to be appointed as her wali.  However, since  her  documentations stated that he was the father, the courts still insisted that we get two witnesses to witness his objection.  From syarie point, this was all unnecessary, but we had to abide by man made laws.  Anyway, it was a long process to get any documentation for Aisha and so we decided to look at alternative but legal ways to get her married.  Man made laws would require consent from her biological father or any documents to prove that he objected to her getting married.  While syarie, did not even consider him as her father. So which laws do you need to uphold – the law of the creation or the law of the CREATOR?

I know and fully understand the consequences of not abiding by Allah’s laws and there is no way that I would succumb to laws of creation, although everyone and every institution we approach seem to ask us to fall back on man made laws and traditions.  Allah’s laws is so crytal clear. Our challenge was to abide by Allah’s laws.  In a way, I felt that Allah was testing us, to what extent would we go to uphold His laws?

Every avenue that we turned to for help required some kind of man made law to be abided.  From beginning to end, we had maybe six plans running to see which one would work for us. Up to the last plan, when everything seemed that it would work, but it did not.  When we were down to our last effort, we gave up in effort but not in hope and prayer … it was at that point that HE, the MOST MERCIFUL, sent us HIS help.  Out of sky, he sent us a lawyer to help us through and this was not just any lawyer but a lawyer with the supreme court in Yemen and having connections at the Ministry of Justice, which we also needed a letter from.  We had to circumvent a little the man made laws in order for us to get the letter needed from the Ministry of Justice.  But having seen the lawyer’s connection, we knew that the risk to circumvent the man made laws was a risk we could take. And took the risk we did.  The lawyer spent the whole morning helping us get documents needed from the MOJ and later went with us to the courts, coached our witnesses on what to say.  The witnesses did not lie at all but was in fact was stating truth of matters.  On this day, the last day of Sya’aban coinciding with August 10^th2010, we witness Allah’s plans being carried through, HE made what seemed impossible to us possible.  When all man and institutions kept telling us to fall back on man made laws, we stood firm to abide by Allah’s laws.  This was what carried us through.  Allah swt wanted us to make all effort to uphold HIS laws, and in the end HE sent us help to carry us through. Subhanallah… we truly watched what was and seem impossible, made possible.

Solemnization of Aisha n Amir

Amir and Aisha were married in the courts at 2:00pm witnessed by Amir’s mother, his brother, his three best friends, my eldest son and myself and everyone who were present at the court.  For me it was a moment that I truly felt that Allah swt was watching us, and seeing how we were experiencing the sweetness of victory after going through much hardship, all the time in hope for HIS help.  When the aqad was finally performed, everyone shouted “mabruk” the Arabic word to mean blessed.   Even the prisoners who were present were shouting “mabruk” .  It was a sweet victory I must emphasize again, after one and a half months of looking for solutions daily!

On the morning before the aqad, Amir’s mother and myself had cooked to invite people over to the house for a small reception.  We were not even sure if the aqad would be performed, but we took a chance that this would be the day that Allah would make it happen.  And it did.  We invited only the boys that Amir and his friend was looking after, about 20 of them.  At the same time it was also in welcoming the month of Ramadhan.

The following days seem to be working smoothly, Amir and Aisha seemed to be very much at ease with each other and it was as if they had known each other for years.  This is the blessing of a marriage that had no relationship before marriage and one that conformed to syarie in every way.

I want to take this opportunity to mention that since having been in Yemen, I have witnessed many arrange marriages and all of these arrange marraiges seem to have been working out well.  I believe the blessing is in the sincerity of wanting to abide by the laws of Allah the the desire to protect one's chastity.  These marriages are not based on lust and desire. Truly the institution of marriage has an objective and that is to increase the progyny and the nation of Islam, servants that will be obedient to HIS laws, and love is secondary, but it is the love for HIM that becomes primary and the byproduct of that is the love for HIS servants who love HIM. As with everything where HE plays a role, it is HE who puts love in the hearts of HIS servants.

Ya Rabb, thank you for giving me the opportunity to at least make things right in the lives of others after having made so many wrongs in mine. May this also be part kafarah for my past actions.  May this union also see its blessings not only in this life but also in the life of the hereafter.

Ya Rabb, forgive us our sins past, present and future, and keep us guided and blessed for the remaining days of our lives in this time and space.